[ Nina's eyebrows go up just a bit - not from offense, or from surprise to hear that Ellie is taken (honestly, it's reassuring that she is), or even a reaction to that blush. More than anything, out of sympathy for this particular tragedy. No wonder Ellie is so desperate to make this work.
So it's with gentle warmth, rather than offense or lasciviousness, that Nina says: ]
No. I adore a good flirt, but even under good circumstances I'm not going to trick you into something romantic and pretend it's medical. That'd be a breach of ethics.
[ Then, patting her lap to indicate the possible position, Nina says: ]
This is just to give me easy access to your head. And physical contact like this helps to start triggering some of the chemicals that help you wind down. Like snuggling with your mum. [ At least in theory. Nina couldn't exactly attest to that. ] We can do it another way if you're not comfortable, though.
[Ellie relaxes by degrees, helped along by the reassurance. It's awkward of her to presume anything, but lots of women like to be physically close and affectionate with other women, and to Ellie it always feels uncomfortable. Like they'd make different decisions if they knew Ellie was into women.
She doesn't smile, but her face softens a little. She nods.]
Let's do it another way.
[She knows she doesn't need to explain, but Nina's helping her. She owes her this much. She's not going to say I never snuggled with my mom, or I'm not great with being touched by strangers, but she figures that her general bearing might telegraph that.]
Touch doesn't... help me relax. Not with most people. Sorry.
[ There's wryness in her smile and just the slightest hint of scolding in her voice when she says that. But a warm sort of scolding. Fond. Sisterly, is what Nina is going for. Ellie's not going to relax if she's anxious about some sort of infidelity, after all, so Nina does her damnedest to tone down her natural allure (a massive effort, given how alluring she always is, so on and so forth) and instead project a general air of steady and thoroughly non-romantic warmth. Look, I'm not touching you, and also I'm not judging you, and as a matter of fact I'm here for you, and all this love is totally non-conditional. ]
Your heart is your heart. We can't control our fears any more than we can control our loves.
[ Nina scoots aside and makes room on the pillow. It's going to be hell on her back to stay stooped over and twisted around to keep her hands near enough to Ellie's head, and it's going to be a lot more taxing to do this without making skin-to-skin contact. But the hardest thing of all is forcing the heart to change. Fear, anxiety, discomfort - all these release a flood of chemicals that keep you alert and on-edge. And that would make this task impossible. ]
[Ellie doesn't like to think she's obvious about it, but she checks Nina's face despite her reassurance, the hesitation telegraphed. She doesn't want to be burdensome when she's already asking a favor.
Not out of politeness, really. It's just plain survival. Nina's take on fear is comforting, and her reassurance helps, but Ellie is clearly not used to hearing that.
Or perhaps nowadays she is, but the people who taught her that are now far beyond her reach.]
'Course.
[Ellie settles down on the bed with her head on the pillow and her arms crossed across her stomach, and tells herself to relax. It's hard. She's wired despite being utterly exhausted, and to someone with Nina's abilities it'll be more than obvious. Without her, she'd be in no fit state to continue doing her job, let alone fight a dragon.]
[ Nina sits beside Ellie. She isn't touching, but she's near enough that Ellie can smell her perfume - a scent deliberately selected, lavender and elfroot and other herbs of relaxation and tranquility.
The first pass of Nina's hand over Ellie's body is simply sensing, monitoring. It's clear enough at once that she's stressed, and likely has been for a very long time: Nina can't explain it, precisely, but there are ways that the chemicals sit in the body that are habituated rather than reactive. Horrible for the person, but also particularly difficult for the Grisha treating them. Just like it's easier to control floodwaters than it is redirect a river that's sitting in a well-formed riverbank, it's easier to deal with a new reaction than an accustomed one.
Easy things first. The physical symptoms of that toxic cocktail. Nina brings down Ellie's heartrate. And then she loosens up the muscles that are tightened and knotted, unpicking them like you'd untangle a ball of yarn: first the muscles that are used to contracting and relaxing (the arms, the stomach, the legs), and then the muscles that might not have unclenched for months (the back of the neck, the shoulders, the lower back, the scalp, the jaw.)
Some Healers sing lullabies to the people they're helping while they work. However, since Ellie has been through enough pain and trauma as it is, Nina abstains from doing that. Instead, she says to Ellie, voice soft - ]
[It's always unnerving at first. Her body changing, veering away from how she expects it to act. Her heart slows with all the chemicals easing up to let her muscles relax. This is particularly difficult. Ellie carries pain and tension in a lot of parts of her body, honed for responding to threats with violence on a dime. Grief, etched deep.
The best Ellie can do is try to remain neutral. To let go. Even this is an intense effort. She's used to pushing until she literally cannot go any farther, not in intentionally stopping to take care of herself.
She's silent for a few moments in response, but it does provide a distraction. The stories she immediately thinks of are sad, upsetting to others even if Ellie finds them uplifting. Encouraging. With her eyes closed, she goes back and back and farther back, because the memories that are edged in warmth aren't so much stories as they are moments in time. They're not exciting. She could tell stories that aren't about herself, probably- but those would require a lot more concentration than she has available. Finally, she finds one.]
I didn't have a family or anything, but I had Joel. He was this... old smuggler. Taught me most of what I know. For a long time it was just him and me.
When I was fourteen, he finally taught me how to swim. We were out at the dam and it was springtime. Still kinda cold. Okay in the sun. He was showing me how to float on my back. How to push the water with my whole arm.
[She remembers that day. The restfulness of the water, his steady, comforting hand on her back. The moment she let go of her nervousness and realized he'd stopped lifting her, that she was doing it on her own.]
We got out of the water and went to go get our stuff, get a fire started for lunch. I was by the horse, and a bear came out of the woods. Young-ish, probably just hungry. Joel got his gun and told me to get back, started yelling and shouting at it. Shot at it, once.
And then it charged him.
I didn't know it was bluffing. But I didn't think. I yelled at it at, and charged at it from the side, like I'd seen Joel do, 'cause I wasn't gonna let it get him. I shot at it, too, grazed it pretty good. I guess two people were two much for it, and it ran off.
Joel was so ticked about it, but only 'cause I scared the shit out of him.
[There's immense fondness in her voice, even if it carries a quiet layer of loss.]
[ Nina is only half-listening, most of her concentration taken up by this work. Saints, it's harder than it was back home. She had limits there, to be sure, but it took many, many times longer to hit them than it does here. Here, she's barely started and already she feels a little faint.
But she keeps going. The glands producing cortisol and adrenaline are soothed and quieted; she coaxes them into reducing - if not, of course, stopping - their output. It's all right, she says to those noble little machines, so desperate to protect the body they're in, even to the point of destruction. You can rest. ]
Do you have other stories about him?
[ Because the swell of love that had gone through Ellie upon beginning to speak of Joel had been palpable. ]
[Her voice is quieter now. She casts back through her memories, finding the small moments. The vignettes of warmth buried in everything else.]
For my birthday, he brought me to a museum so I could sit in the command module of a rocket. He found a tape of the Apollo 11 launch.
[She has no idea whether Nina knows what any of those things are, but she can feel herself fading, her grip on reality getting fuzzy. Some part of her tries to panic, but can't. It's like drowning but without the pain.]
[ Nina hums again. She doesn't prompt more storytelling, because with just a few more gestures of her fingers, Ellie is dispatched into a deep sleep. Not a dreamless one, but ideally a sleep of forgettable dreams, because - without someone intervening - she's unlikely to wake again without someone intervening.
Nina rises, and then goes over and slumps into a chair, letting out a sigh of utter exhaustion. She feels grand, of course, like she always does when she uses her power - but it's a tempered sort of joy, like the weariness after you've spent all night dancing.
But the rest gives her a chance to look at Ellie sleeping. Poor thing, she thinks to herself. This whole plan is utterly insane, and it's impossible to think it's going to succeed. And Ellie seems like a girl who's had a lot of heartbreak. Nina just hopes this won't crush that poor heart of hers.
A few moments, and then Nina hauls herself to her feet with a little groan. Time to climb way too many bloody stairs. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-08-14 05:50 pm (UTC)[ Nina's eyebrows go up just a bit - not from offense, or from surprise to hear that Ellie is taken (honestly, it's reassuring that she is), or even a reaction to that blush. More than anything, out of sympathy for this particular tragedy. No wonder Ellie is so desperate to make this work.
So it's with gentle warmth, rather than offense or lasciviousness, that Nina says: ]
No. I adore a good flirt, but even under good circumstances I'm not going to trick you into something romantic and pretend it's medical. That'd be a breach of ethics.
[ Then, patting her lap to indicate the possible position, Nina says: ]
This is just to give me easy access to your head. And physical contact like this helps to start triggering some of the chemicals that help you wind down. Like snuggling with your mum. [ At least in theory. Nina couldn't exactly attest to that. ] We can do it another way if you're not comfortable, though.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-21 05:05 pm (UTC)She doesn't smile, but her face softens a little. She nods.]
Let's do it another way.
[She knows she doesn't need to explain, but Nina's helping her. She owes her this much. She's not going to say I never snuggled with my mom, or I'm not great with being touched by strangers, but she figures that her general bearing might telegraph that.]
Touch doesn't... help me relax. Not with most people. Sorry.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-21 05:49 pm (UTC)[ There's wryness in her smile and just the slightest hint of scolding in her voice when she says that. But a warm sort of scolding. Fond. Sisterly, is what Nina is going for. Ellie's not going to relax if she's anxious about some sort of infidelity, after all, so Nina does her damnedest to tone down her natural allure (a massive effort, given how alluring she always is, so on and so forth) and instead project a general air of steady and thoroughly non-romantic warmth. Look, I'm not touching you, and also I'm not judging you, and as a matter of fact I'm here for you, and all this love is totally non-conditional. ]
Your heart is your heart. We can't control our fears any more than we can control our loves.
[ Nina scoots aside and makes room on the pillow. It's going to be hell on her back to stay stooped over and twisted around to keep her hands near enough to Ellie's head, and it's going to be a lot more taxing to do this without making skin-to-skin contact. But the hardest thing of all is forcing the heart to change. Fear, anxiety, discomfort - all these release a flood of chemicals that keep you alert and on-edge. And that would make this task impossible. ]
Thank you for saying something.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-27 07:01 am (UTC)Not out of politeness, really. It's just plain survival. Nina's take on fear is comforting, and her reassurance helps, but Ellie is clearly not used to hearing that.
Or perhaps nowadays she is, but the people who taught her that are now far beyond her reach.]
'Course.
[Ellie settles down on the bed with her head on the pillow and her arms crossed across her stomach, and tells herself to relax. It's hard. She's wired despite being utterly exhausted, and to someone with Nina's abilities it'll be more than obvious. Without her, she'd be in no fit state to continue doing her job, let alone fight a dragon.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-27 01:13 pm (UTC)The first pass of Nina's hand over Ellie's body is simply sensing, monitoring. It's clear enough at once that she's stressed, and likely has been for a very long time: Nina can't explain it, precisely, but there are ways that the chemicals sit in the body that are habituated rather than reactive. Horrible for the person, but also particularly difficult for the Grisha treating them. Just like it's easier to control floodwaters than it is redirect a river that's sitting in a well-formed riverbank, it's easier to deal with a new reaction than an accustomed one.
Easy things first. The physical symptoms of that toxic cocktail. Nina brings down Ellie's heartrate. And then she loosens up the muscles that are tightened and knotted, unpicking them like you'd untangle a ball of yarn: first the muscles that are used to contracting and relaxing (the arms, the stomach, the legs), and then the muscles that might not have unclenched for months (the back of the neck, the shoulders, the lower back, the scalp, the jaw.)
Some Healers sing lullabies to the people they're helping while they work. However, since Ellie has been through enough pain and trauma as it is, Nina abstains from doing that. Instead, she says to Ellie, voice soft - ]
Can you tell me a story?
no subject
Date: 2023-08-27 05:51 pm (UTC)The best Ellie can do is try to remain neutral. To let go. Even this is an intense effort. She's used to pushing until she literally cannot go any farther, not in intentionally stopping to take care of herself.
She's silent for a few moments in response, but it does provide a distraction. The stories she immediately thinks of are sad, upsetting to others even if Ellie finds them uplifting. Encouraging. With her eyes closed, she goes back and back and farther back, because the memories that are edged in warmth aren't so much stories as they are moments in time. They're not exciting. She could tell stories that aren't about herself, probably- but those would require a lot more concentration than she has available. Finally, she finds one.]
I didn't have a family or anything, but I had Joel. He was this... old smuggler. Taught me most of what I know. For a long time it was just him and me.
When I was fourteen, he finally taught me how to swim. We were out at the dam and it was springtime. Still kinda cold. Okay in the sun. He was showing me how to float on my back. How to push the water with my whole arm.
[She remembers that day. The restfulness of the water, his steady, comforting hand on her back. The moment she let go of her nervousness and realized he'd stopped lifting her, that she was doing it on her own.]
We got out of the water and went to go get our stuff, get a fire started for lunch. I was by the horse, and a bear came out of the woods. Young-ish, probably just hungry. Joel got his gun and told me to get back, started yelling and shouting at it. Shot at it, once.
And then it charged him.
I didn't know it was bluffing. But I didn't think. I yelled at it at, and charged at it from the side, like I'd seen Joel do, 'cause I wasn't gonna let it get him. I shot at it, too, grazed it pretty good. I guess two people were two much for it, and it ran off.
Joel was so ticked about it, but only 'cause I scared the shit out of him.
[There's immense fondness in her voice, even if it carries a quiet layer of loss.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-27 09:31 pm (UTC)[ Nina is only half-listening, most of her concentration taken up by this work. Saints, it's harder than it was back home. She had limits there, to be sure, but it took many, many times longer to hit them than it does here. Here, she's barely started and already she feels a little faint.
But she keeps going. The glands producing cortisol and adrenaline are soothed and quieted; she coaxes them into reducing - if not, of course, stopping - their output. It's all right, she says to those noble little machines, so desperate to protect the body they're in, even to the point of destruction. You can rest. ]
Do you have other stories about him?
[ Because the swell of love that had gone through Ellie upon beginning to speak of Joel had been palpable. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-27 10:21 pm (UTC)[Her voice is quieter now. She casts back through her memories, finding the small moments. The vignettes of warmth buried in everything else.]
For my birthday, he brought me to a museum so I could sit in the command module of a rocket. He found a tape of the Apollo 11 launch.
[She has no idea whether Nina knows what any of those things are, but she can feel herself fading, her grip on reality getting fuzzy. Some part of her tries to panic, but can't. It's like drowning but without the pain.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-28 01:48 am (UTC)Nina rises, and then goes over and slumps into a chair, letting out a sigh of utter exhaustion. She feels grand, of course, like she always does when she uses her power - but it's a tempered sort of joy, like the weariness after you've spent all night dancing.
But the rest gives her a chance to look at Ellie sleeping. Poor thing, she thinks to herself. This whole plan is utterly insane, and it's impossible to think it's going to succeed. And Ellie seems like a girl who's had a lot of heartbreak. Nina just hopes this won't crush that poor heart of hers.
A few moments, and then Nina hauls herself to her feet with a little groan. Time to climb way too many bloody stairs. ]